Faced with mediocre results and budget cuts, Tennis Australia has unveiled its radical new plan to return to world supremacy by turning its top female players into Russians.
The scheme went into action during the week when the newly-rechristined Samantha Stosurova was seen warming up on the practice courts and sipping from a hip flask of vodka. There have also been reports of Casey Dellacquaova sporting shoes made by up-and-coming Russian manufacturers as she wanders Melbourne's streets.
One player that may be exempt from the makeover is Jelena Dokic, who has made it through to the quarter-finals of the women's draw. However, a loss tonight may result in her being housed in a babushka doll for the remainder of the week.
Tennis Australia hopes to have at least five blond-haired blue-eyed women in the top 20 by the end of next year. Rumours are also afoot that, if the plan is successful, the tennis authority may have similar plans to turn its professional male players into Frenchmen.
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