Research Phrases That Should Be Systematically Wiped Out

A couple of weeks ago I went to another research conference, which in itself isn't the impetus for this post, but it reminded me that there are several terms that researchers use that really get on my nerves. The following is a list of terms I plan to never use (and if I do there must have been editorial interference):

-literature: Oh yes... the old 'literature review'. Unless your entire purpose is to actually review what previous authors have done (which is what my colleagues did recently, hence this clause saves me from hypocrisy), there really is no excuse for doing a lit review. Often it's used to either show how 'well-read' the researcher is, or to pad out the length - for God's sake, just use what actually affects your own research. Leave the 'literature' to Salman Rushdie.

Acceptable alternatives: articles, studies, evidence, work.

-key: Often used to make a point seem more important than it really is. Or if the author has written a piece of work and hasn't made their message clear enough, so that they feel they need to point out what the 'key findings' are. Not that I am against summarizing - indeed, it's necessary - but I can't stand people hitting their readers over the head with how terribly significant their work is.

Acceptable alternatives: main, summary.

-jointly/co-authoured: Why not just say 'work done with such-and-such'? Why? Because either you want to draw people's attention to your more famous co-author, or you want to say 'Hey look, I have a friend!' Get over it...

Acceptable alternatives: none.

-paper: Yes, I hate the term 'paper', even though I know it's been in academia forever. But such a fetish has developed around the concept that I think we're best rid of it. Plus it's so limiting. Why can't a groundbreaking theory be written on the back of a napkin? Why not do a YouTube video? Why not express it through interpretive dance? Why does it always have to be a freakin' 'paper'? Be creative people!

Acceptable alternatives: see alternatives for 'literature', also add clip, txt msge, etc.

(I will now return to my unresolved rage issues...)