Every year, I run through my head my list of who I think will make the NBA All-Star Game; it’s a handy way of filling in time or trying to get to sleep. This year though, I thought I would broadcast my picks for all the world to see! Aren’t you lucky? Well, first up, let’s assume that those players currently leading the voting in each position will keep their leads, meaning the starting line-ups will be as follows:
Eastern Conference: Guards: Derrick Rose (Chicago) and Dwyane Wade (Miami); Forwards: LeBron James (Miami) and Amare Stoudemire (New York); Center: Dwight Howard (Orlando)
Western Conference: Guards: Chris Paul (New Orleans) and Kobe Bryant (LA Lakers); Forwards: Carmelo Anthony (Denver) and Kevin Durant (Oklahoma City); Center: Yao Ming (Houston)
Now of the West starters, at least one and maybe two will not take their spots – firstly, Yao Ming will be having enough trouble standing upright, let alone stepping on to a basketball court against the best players in the league, and secondly, within a week or two, some sucker franchise near the Hudson River (either New York or New Jersey) may have finally, FINALLY, traded away their future for the most over-rated player this side of Allen Iverson, namely Carmelo Anthony (there goes my chance of him ever following me on Twitter). In Yao’s case, the LA Lakers’ bearded behemoth Pau Gasol - who must certainly get voted in the coach’s by a reserve - is a good replacement at center (although El Pau is listed as a forward, he has played most of his basketball at center this season).
The West team virtually picks itself: Pau’s rival in lanky limbs and shaggy locks, Dirk Nowitzki (Dallas) has once again led the Mavericks to one of the league’s best records, Deron Williams (Utah) has kept the Jazz together after Carlos Boozer did what he does best, i.e. skip town, Spurs’ backcourt chums Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili (San Antonio) will surely be rewarded for being the two leading scorers on the league’s most successful team this season, Russell Westbrook (Oklahoma City) is getting plaudits from everywhere for leading his team in the occasional absences of Kevin Durant, and Kevin Love’s (Minnesota) gaudy rebounding stats and token white guyishness should be enough to overcome the crappyness of his team’s record.
That leaves one spot, possibly two if Anthony goes east. Monta Ellis (Golden State) scores a lot, which will probably get him in, but I’d much prefer Blake Griffin (LA Clippers) who, apart from his spectacular dunking which was spotlighted here earlier this week, can both score a lot and rebound a lot, as well as make rangas everywhere dream of playing basketball. Ellis gets the nod if Anthony goes; alas, perennial pillar of virtue Tim Duncan must miss out and be content with being The Onion’s favourite target for gentle mockery.
Out East, the pickings are slimmer: Rajon Rondo (Boston) is, I think, an even better pick than Rose for a starting spot, but I subscribe to the Wins Produced theory of player value, and am not concerned by the fact he looks like Earthworm Jim, Rondo’s teammate Paul Pierce also gets in due to the simple equation ‘Leading Scorer on Best Team = All-Star Appearance’, Chris Bosh (Miami) started off the season as that funny kind of guy who only looks good because he hangs around the cool kids (LeBron and Wade) but has turned out to be a very fine third wheel indeed, and Raymond Felton (New York) should get enough of a NY media campaign behind him to join Stoudemire at the game.
After that, ugh… I feel Atlanta’s record, particularly in the weak-ass East, will net them an All-Star; I’ll say Al Horford over Joe Johnson, as Johnson is averaging under 20 points a game which is tough to sell as being worthy of an All-Star berth when you are on a max contract and what you are being paid to do is score. One of the Bulls’ big men, Joakim Noah or the Great Deserter Carlos Boozer should probably get a spot, but both have been injured for long stretches; I reckon Boozer gets it as he has been injured slightly less. Although just mentioning Joakim Noah gives me an excellent excuse to use this photo.
Andrea Bargnani will get some support for the final spot, but I can’t support anyone who is seven foot tall and grabs less than six rebounds a game, so let’s give it to another Celtic, either Ray Allen or Kevin Garnett, probably Allen I guess to even up the guards and forwards.
So, there’s my thoughts… damn it, now what will I use to get to sleep?
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