Charlie the Unicorn says: don't do drugs, kids.
Episode #1
Episode #2
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The Poetry of Noel Gallagher
You need to find a way for what you want to say
Two of a kind we'll find a way
Let me be the one that shines with you and we can slide away.
Cause it's all just the same at the end of the day
We're throwing it all away
We're throwing it all away
We're throwing it all away at the end of the day
I dream of you - and all the things you say
Nobody ever mentions the weather can make or break your day
Nobody ever seems to remember life is a game we play
We live in the shadows and we had the chance and threw it away
You gotta say what you say
Don't let anybody get in your way
Today is gonna be the day
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say
At least not today
You know that I gotta say time's slipping away
Some might say we will find a brighter day
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to stay
Where angels fly you won't play
An extraordinary guy can never have an ordinary day
He might live a long goodbye but that is not for me to say
Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday
Said I would and I believe in one day
They only seem to come and go, away
D'you feel a little down today?
Bet you ain't got much to say?
If I may be so bold could I just say something come and make me my day
The clouds around your soul don't gather there for nothing but I can chase them all away
The fair's in town today
Tomorrow we'll be castaway
Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away
So dont go away, say what you say
Say that you'll stay
Forever and a day
Damn my situation and the games I have to play
Damn my education I can't find the words to say
So take me away cos I just dont want to stay
Cos all the lies you make me say
Are getting deeper every day
You're gonna make a better day
You know it's gonna be okay
But I'll be back another day
And the way that you'd always say
While we're living the dreams we have as children fade away
They fade away, away, away
Fade away, away, away
Day by day
There's a man in a suit who's gonna make you pay
For the thoughts that you think and the words they won't let you say
One fine day
All my life I try to find another way
All my life I try to make a better day
So what do you say?
You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway
You're half the world away
Half the world away
Half the world away
I hope you don't regret today
Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say
And cast your words away
Upon the waves bring them back with Acquiesce on a ship of hope today
It's up to us to make the best of all things that come our way
Life is precocious in a most peculiar way
Sister psychosis don't got a lot to say
Ready or not, come what may
The bets are going down for judgement day
Yer better get on yer knees and pray
Panic is on the way
As the sun goes down and it’s high time to pray
Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you’ll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
Away, away, away
Two of a kind we'll find a way
Let me be the one that shines with you and we can slide away.
Cause it's all just the same at the end of the day
We're throwing it all away
We're throwing it all away
We're throwing it all away at the end of the day
I dream of you - and all the things you say
Nobody ever mentions the weather can make or break your day
Nobody ever seems to remember life is a game we play
We live in the shadows and we had the chance and threw it away
You gotta say what you say
Don't let anybody get in your way
Today is gonna be the day
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say
At least not today
You know that I gotta say time's slipping away
Some might say we will find a brighter day
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to stay
Where angels fly you won't play
An extraordinary guy can never have an ordinary day
He might live a long goodbye but that is not for me to say
Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday
Said I would and I believe in one day
They only seem to come and go, away
D'you feel a little down today?
Bet you ain't got much to say?
If I may be so bold could I just say something come and make me my day
The clouds around your soul don't gather there for nothing but I can chase them all away
The fair's in town today
Tomorrow we'll be castaway
Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away
So dont go away, say what you say
Say that you'll stay
Forever and a day
Damn my situation and the games I have to play
Damn my education I can't find the words to say
So take me away cos I just dont want to stay
Cos all the lies you make me say
Are getting deeper every day
You're gonna make a better day
You know it's gonna be okay
But I'll be back another day
And the way that you'd always say
While we're living the dreams we have as children fade away
They fade away, away, away
Fade away, away, away
Day by day
There's a man in a suit who's gonna make you pay
For the thoughts that you think and the words they won't let you say
One fine day
All my life I try to find another way
All my life I try to make a better day
So what do you say?
You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway
You're half the world away
Half the world away
Half the world away
I hope you don't regret today
Take the time to make some sense of what you want to say
And cast your words away
Upon the waves bring them back with Acquiesce on a ship of hope today
It's up to us to make the best of all things that come our way
Life is precocious in a most peculiar way
Sister psychosis don't got a lot to say
Ready or not, come what may
The bets are going down for judgement day
Yer better get on yer knees and pray
Panic is on the way
As the sun goes down and it’s high time to pray
Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you’ll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
Away, away, away
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
The Wooden Finger AFL All-Australian Team 2008
I'm predicting that seven Cats will be named in the final team this year, but it wouldn't surprise me if all 10 that were nominated made it.
Backs: Darren Milburn, Matthew Scarlett, Dale Morris
Half-Backs: Luke Hodge, Nathan Bock, Tom Harley
Centres: Matthew Richardson, Jimmy Bartel, Adam Cooney
Half-Forwards: Ryan O'Keefe, Jonathan Brown, Nick Riewoldt
Forwards: Brent Harvey, Lance Franklin, Steve Johnson
Rucks: Dean Cox, Chris Judd, Gary Ablett
Interchange: Aaron Sandilands, Simon Black, Sam Mitchell, Joel Corey
Backs: Darren Milburn, Matthew Scarlett, Dale Morris
Half-Backs: Luke Hodge, Nathan Bock, Tom Harley
Centres: Matthew Richardson, Jimmy Bartel, Adam Cooney
Half-Forwards: Ryan O'Keefe, Jonathan Brown, Nick Riewoldt
Forwards: Brent Harvey, Lance Franklin, Steve Johnson
Rucks: Dean Cox, Chris Judd, Gary Ablett
Interchange: Aaron Sandilands, Simon Black, Sam Mitchell, Joel Corey
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Diary of an AFL SuperCoach Obsessive - Grand Final Week: Days 6 and 7
Day 6, 11AM: Fremantle had a good win last night, so I thought that Sandilands may have racked up a big score. Alas, he saved his worst game of the season until last, scoring a mediocre 52 points. So much for the theory of bringing in the guy with the higher average. If I get myself into the same position next year, maybe I should put more weight on what players are likely to score rather than what they have scored. Is the Simmonds for Sandilands trade going to prove the move that brings me undone?
5PM: Brent Harvey scored 133 points, which is handy, but on the other hand Daniel Pratt scored 122 points for the opposition. Still no sign of Gary Ablett’s score and now I have to head out. May check the scores again when I get home.
Day 7, 9AM: I’m in deep trouble - I have players underperforming all over the park.
Jarrad Waite scored only 49 (I knew he was going to score badly trying to stop Lance Franklin), another player who saved his worst for last. To make matters worse, Cyril freakin’ Rioli scored over 100 points for the Ninjas. Given that I traded Waite for Rioli a few weeks ago, this means that I spent $200,000 in cash to buy a player who scored half as much when it matters most. And to think that I was so pleased that they would have to resort to Rioli. Someone somewhere is laughing at me.
Robert Murphy added another 111 for the opposition, so it looks like my forward line advantage has quickly evaporated.
McLeod and Johncock – two players that I badly needed to perform – had below par performances.
On the plus side, if I do go down, it won’t be through my captaincy choice. Gary Ablett outscored Lance Franklin 107 to 86, and when you double their scores this gives me an extra 42 points in advantage. (I wonder if Claire, a Hawthorn supporter, chose Franklin over David's better judgment. If so, their two-headedness would have come back to bite them. Heh heh heh.)
Re-calculated the two teams’ expected scores and (oh my god!) I still come out ahead. The midfield is the key: Power, Thompson and Cooney all had below par performances for them, while Harvey and Judd played well for me. But this is going to be a squeaker.
Interesting sideshow: apparently O’Keefe didn’t play, so we’ll have to resort to emergencies. Shouted ‘you little beauty!’, then realised they actually had an emergency forward. Damn! Don’t know much about this Maric guy. Is he playing today? Where are the teams? As long as he scores less than Hansen’s 59, I come out ahead in this department. .
11AM: Paul Chapman scored 40 points – thank God I didn’t pick him up.
2PM: Feel bad that I’m hoping that Troy Simmonds trips over and hurts his leg when he runs on to the field. (Well, Richmond is going to finish ninth anyway - what does it matter? We can win against Melbourne without him.)
Richo getting lots of the ball early – I knew it was a good idea to bring him in.
3PM: Simmonds getting too much of the ball for my liking. However, Deledio also playing well, and I haven’t spotted this Maric yet. Richo is having a dog of a day, not that it matters to the final score, only to the ‘what ifs’.
4PM: Deledio is killing them in the final quarter. I thought that I was cursed when he hit the post from 10 metres out, but he’s kicked three goals and picked up heaps of contested possessions. And I still have Nick Riewoldt to play. Oh yes, I’m starting to feel good about this now…
6PM: Rushed to the internet to find out the final scores, only to find that the last match of the season, St Kilda v Essendon, started at 4.40. But now I’m only 43 points down! Deledio had a ripper, scoring over 140. Simmonds scored only 52 – the exact same score as Sandilands – saving me years of therapy. Richo scored 20, which doesn’t mean too much to me, but must be galling to anyone that made him captain on the advice of the Herald-Sun this week. 43 points down, and it comes down to this: Riewoldt, Dal Santo and Stanton v Leigh Montagna (with Gram cancelling out on both sides). Unless Stanton manages to score minus five, I should have this in the bag.
Half time at the Saints-Bombers match: Riewoldt has three goals, Dal Santo 14 possessions, no mention of Gram, Stanton or Montagna. I think I have this.
7PM: Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I win – 2037 to 1920! I’m the League Champion!
Riewoldt went supernova, scoring 168 points - I knew I should have had him as captain, but it doesn’t matter now!
Stanton tried his best to screw me up, scoring 32 points, but it doesn’t matter now!
I win! I win! The prizemoney is mine!
My forward line proved to be the winner after all. Really, Deledio and Riewoldt were my two best additions for the whole year. I picked up Deledio at the start of the year when no-one else in my league wanted him and he just kept on performing. I picked up Riewoldt in the middle of the year when he had reached his nadir and he gave me a huge boost over the second half of the season.
One thing to do before I go – I’ve waited five months for this:
Me: Woo-hoo! I'd like to dedicate my victory to Bombers 08, who won the first battle but was totally annihilated in the war. It’s been fun folks!
[Footnote: Bombers 08, the team that trash-talked me after beating me in April, finished second last.]
I win! I win!
I think I should retire now. Or maybe I’ll do a Brisbane Lions and go for three in a row next year. We’ll see.
It's all over! And what have we learnt? If there's a message to be taken from all of this it's that you need only concern yourself with what you can influence - you can control your choices; you can’t control how they turn out. But just keep calm, play the percentages, and you don’t have to look back in regret.
Thanks to my family and friends for hearing me rabbit on about this for twenty-two weeks. Thanks to anyone who managed to read through my obsessive ravings. And last of all, thanks to the players themselves. I’ve grown fond of each and every one of you. Yes, even Brent Stanton.
5PM: Brent Harvey scored 133 points, which is handy, but on the other hand Daniel Pratt scored 122 points for the opposition. Still no sign of Gary Ablett’s score and now I have to head out. May check the scores again when I get home.
Day 7, 9AM: I’m in deep trouble - I have players underperforming all over the park.
Jarrad Waite scored only 49 (I knew he was going to score badly trying to stop Lance Franklin), another player who saved his worst for last. To make matters worse, Cyril freakin’ Rioli scored over 100 points for the Ninjas. Given that I traded Waite for Rioli a few weeks ago, this means that I spent $200,000 in cash to buy a player who scored half as much when it matters most. And to think that I was so pleased that they would have to resort to Rioli. Someone somewhere is laughing at me.
Robert Murphy added another 111 for the opposition, so it looks like my forward line advantage has quickly evaporated.
McLeod and Johncock – two players that I badly needed to perform – had below par performances.
On the plus side, if I do go down, it won’t be through my captaincy choice. Gary Ablett outscored Lance Franklin 107 to 86, and when you double their scores this gives me an extra 42 points in advantage. (I wonder if Claire, a Hawthorn supporter, chose Franklin over David's better judgment. If so, their two-headedness would have come back to bite them. Heh heh heh.)
Re-calculated the two teams’ expected scores and (oh my god!) I still come out ahead. The midfield is the key: Power, Thompson and Cooney all had below par performances for them, while Harvey and Judd played well for me. But this is going to be a squeaker.
Interesting sideshow: apparently O’Keefe didn’t play, so we’ll have to resort to emergencies. Shouted ‘you little beauty!’, then realised they actually had an emergency forward. Damn! Don’t know much about this Maric guy. Is he playing today? Where are the teams? As long as he scores less than Hansen’s 59, I come out ahead in this department. .
11AM: Paul Chapman scored 40 points – thank God I didn’t pick him up.
2PM: Feel bad that I’m hoping that Troy Simmonds trips over and hurts his leg when he runs on to the field. (Well, Richmond is going to finish ninth anyway - what does it matter? We can win against Melbourne without him.)
Richo getting lots of the ball early – I knew it was a good idea to bring him in.
3PM: Simmonds getting too much of the ball for my liking. However, Deledio also playing well, and I haven’t spotted this Maric yet. Richo is having a dog of a day, not that it matters to the final score, only to the ‘what ifs’.
4PM: Deledio is killing them in the final quarter. I thought that I was cursed when he hit the post from 10 metres out, but he’s kicked three goals and picked up heaps of contested possessions. And I still have Nick Riewoldt to play. Oh yes, I’m starting to feel good about this now…
6PM: Rushed to the internet to find out the final scores, only to find that the last match of the season, St Kilda v Essendon, started at 4.40. But now I’m only 43 points down! Deledio had a ripper, scoring over 140. Simmonds scored only 52 – the exact same score as Sandilands – saving me years of therapy. Richo scored 20, which doesn’t mean too much to me, but must be galling to anyone that made him captain on the advice of the Herald-Sun this week. 43 points down, and it comes down to this: Riewoldt, Dal Santo and Stanton v Leigh Montagna (with Gram cancelling out on both sides). Unless Stanton manages to score minus five, I should have this in the bag.
Half time at the Saints-Bombers match: Riewoldt has three goals, Dal Santo 14 possessions, no mention of Gram, Stanton or Montagna. I think I have this.
7PM: Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I win – 2037 to 1920! I’m the League Champion!
Riewoldt went supernova, scoring 168 points - I knew I should have had him as captain, but it doesn’t matter now!
Stanton tried his best to screw me up, scoring 32 points, but it doesn’t matter now!
I win! I win! The prizemoney is mine!
My forward line proved to be the winner after all. Really, Deledio and Riewoldt were my two best additions for the whole year. I picked up Deledio at the start of the year when no-one else in my league wanted him and he just kept on performing. I picked up Riewoldt in the middle of the year when he had reached his nadir and he gave me a huge boost over the second half of the season.
One thing to do before I go – I’ve waited five months for this:
Me: Woo-hoo! I'd like to dedicate my victory to Bombers 08, who won the first battle but was totally annihilated in the war. It’s been fun folks!
[Footnote: Bombers 08, the team that trash-talked me after beating me in April, finished second last.]
I win! I win!
I think I should retire now. Or maybe I’ll do a Brisbane Lions and go for three in a row next year. We’ll see.
It's all over! And what have we learnt? If there's a message to be taken from all of this it's that you need only concern yourself with what you can influence - you can control your choices; you can’t control how they turn out. But just keep calm, play the percentages, and you don’t have to look back in regret.
Thanks to my family and friends for hearing me rabbit on about this for twenty-two weeks. Thanks to anyone who managed to read through my obsessive ravings. And last of all, thanks to the players themselves. I’ve grown fond of each and every one of you. Yes, even Brent Stanton.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Diary Of An AFL SuperCoach Obsessive - Grand Final Week: Day 5
Alright - Pavlich out, Richo in, Ablett captain... let the dice fall where they may.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Diary of an AFL SuperCoach Obsessive - Grand Final Week: Day 4
OK, team release night and three decisions to make:
1) Should I trade tonight? But don’t I always trade on a Thursday? Well, yes, but I’m still kind of spooked by the ‘Jimmy Bartel appendicitis’ incident from last year. What happened was that I used my last trade to bring in Bartel on the Thursday night and then the next day it was revealed that he had been taken to hospital, most likely at the exact moment I put him in my team. I still won the Grand Final (regrettably no prize money was involved), but the result was probably somewhat closer than it would have been had I used my trade elsewhere. This year? Well, in most cases it won’t matter – say I trade Pavlich for a gun forward and then a player gets injured. In that case, I would have to use one of my emergencies. But if I wait until tomorrow and a player gets injured, I still have to use one of my emergencies (because Pavlich is out this week) – it’s just a matter then of whether I trade Pavlich or the other injured star. Follow so far? Now the only way it’s going to matter if one of my ruckmen is injured, since I can’t cover them if I use up my final trade. If it’s Cox, no big deal, because the Ginger Ninjas have him too. But if it’s Sandilands - I’m screwed.
(Incidentally, with Pavlich’s departure there will be only nine survivors from my initial starting 22: Martin Mattner, Nathan Bock, Jason Gram, Daniel Bradshaw, Nick Dal Santo, Nick Stevens, Brent Stanton, Dean Cox, and Brett Deledio. And I’d trade at least half those guys if I could.)
2) Who to trade for? I was leaning towards Paul Chapman, but Matthew Richardson is awfully tempting, particularly given that he is playing the Demons. That would also cancel out Richardson on my opponent’s team, leaving a forward line battle of Riewoldt, Deledio and Waite v Murphy, Akermanis and Rioli. Problem is Richo’s recent form hasn’t been great, while Chapman scored 130 points last week. But Chapman has been injured a bit recently. Then again, so has Richo. Hmm…
3) Who to make captain? Gary Ablett has been my go-to guy for most of the year, but he’s only had one stellar game since his return from injury. Nick Riewoldt has been in great form recently, but he doesn’t tend to have games where he goes supernova. Hmm again…
Verdict: I think I will break with tradition and wait until tomorrow afternoon to use my final trade; that will give me time to consider whether to bring in Chapman or Richo and I can see whether or not Sandilands survives the night. But I’m leaning towards Pavlich out, Richo in, Gary Ablett captain.
1) Should I trade tonight? But don’t I always trade on a Thursday? Well, yes, but I’m still kind of spooked by the ‘Jimmy Bartel appendicitis’ incident from last year. What happened was that I used my last trade to bring in Bartel on the Thursday night and then the next day it was revealed that he had been taken to hospital, most likely at the exact moment I put him in my team. I still won the Grand Final (regrettably no prize money was involved), but the result was probably somewhat closer than it would have been had I used my trade elsewhere. This year? Well, in most cases it won’t matter – say I trade Pavlich for a gun forward and then a player gets injured. In that case, I would have to use one of my emergencies. But if I wait until tomorrow and a player gets injured, I still have to use one of my emergencies (because Pavlich is out this week) – it’s just a matter then of whether I trade Pavlich or the other injured star. Follow so far? Now the only way it’s going to matter if one of my ruckmen is injured, since I can’t cover them if I use up my final trade. If it’s Cox, no big deal, because the Ginger Ninjas have him too. But if it’s Sandilands - I’m screwed.
(Incidentally, with Pavlich’s departure there will be only nine survivors from my initial starting 22: Martin Mattner, Nathan Bock, Jason Gram, Daniel Bradshaw, Nick Dal Santo, Nick Stevens, Brent Stanton, Dean Cox, and Brett Deledio. And I’d trade at least half those guys if I could.)
2) Who to trade for? I was leaning towards Paul Chapman, but Matthew Richardson is awfully tempting, particularly given that he is playing the Demons. That would also cancel out Richardson on my opponent’s team, leaving a forward line battle of Riewoldt, Deledio and Waite v Murphy, Akermanis and Rioli. Problem is Richo’s recent form hasn’t been great, while Chapman scored 130 points last week. But Chapman has been injured a bit recently. Then again, so has Richo. Hmm…
3) Who to make captain? Gary Ablett has been my go-to guy for most of the year, but he’s only had one stellar game since his return from injury. Nick Riewoldt has been in great form recently, but he doesn’t tend to have games where he goes supernova. Hmm again…
Verdict: I think I will break with tradition and wait until tomorrow afternoon to use my final trade; that will give me time to consider whether to bring in Chapman or Richo and I can see whether or not Sandilands survives the night. But I’m leaning towards Pavlich out, Richo in, Gary Ablett captain.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Diary Of An AFL SuperCoach Obsessive - Grand Final Week: Day 3
Matthew Pavlich is out for the season, according to the Herald-Sun injury list. Even though he is on my team, this actually improves my chances. Assuming the Ginger Ninjas do not have a trade left they will have to resort to using their current emergency Cyril Rioli (remember him?), while I can swap Pavlich for Paul Chapman and gain an extra 30 point advantage. The potential fly in the ointment is if I lose another of my players this week, in which case I’ll have to resort to my emergency Lachlan Hansen, and possibly lose my advantage on the forward line. If that happens, I may well rue the indulgence of my trade of Simmonds for Sandilands last week.
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